Things Lieutenant Chronos is Banned from doing
by dani-pandy
Summary: a list made by Roy mustang stating what his pain in the ass subordanite Lieutenant Erin Chronos is no longer allowed to do while working with him.
1. the list

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Roy Mustang or FMA if i did Hughes wouldn't have died. However I do own Erin Chronos and this list. I did get the idea of this list from "Skippy's list." I know shame on me... but I couldn't resist making one of my own.**

**(if any ideas like this have already been done then I am sorry. ) **

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**Oh mustang was livid. He was steaming from the ears mad. This time lieutenant Pain in the ass went too far. She ruined everything, and caused it to come down to this...a list...of the things she can no longer do while under his command. It even had the Furher's seal of approval and he never approved anything of Mustang's, well at least what he thought was important. ( cough mini-skirt policy cough) **

** The Flame alchemist slammed this list down on said pain in the ass' desk causing her to look up at him confused. **

** " What's this?"  
"Guidelines." Mustang said sharply.**

** "for what?"**

** "you!" He screamed at her.**

**Bewildered the young leiutenant looked at the list,**

Things Lieutenant Chronos is _**not allowed**_ to do under the command of Roy Mustang:

1:You cannot purchase souls during work…or at all for that matter.

2:You are not allowed to leave your office when high-ranking officials are visiting.

3:You are not allowed to set things on fire even if I (Roy) do.

4:You are not authorized to fire officers.

5:You are not allowed to touch any buttons.

6:You can't drive the tank either.

7:You cannot show up for formation whenever you want to.

8:Just because Havoc takes smoke breaks does not mean that you can take them too. You do not smoke.

9:You are not allowed to invite Wrath over for a play date with Ed.

10:If the thought of something makes you giggle for more than 5 seconds you should assume that you are banned from doing it.

11:No, You cannot use my pictures as the targets while at the shooting range.

12:You cannot touch Riza's guns.

13:You are defiantly not allowed to sell Fury to horny men for Kalishnikovs…no matter how fun the name of the gun is.

14:You cannot arrest Ed for being rude.

15:Or for refusing to drink milk.

16: No you cannot play with the explosives.

17:The correct way to address Lieutenant Hawkeye is " First Lieutenant Chronos reporting _sir._" Not "What the hell do you want now bitch?"

18: You cannot taunt Havoc with cigarettes while in the office.

19: You are not allowed to get shot.

20:No, that doesn't mean you can use Alphonse as a shield.

21:You can't threaten anyone.

22:"I'm here aren't I?" Is not to be spoken from your mouth when asked why you're not doing your job.

23:You can't pay Cain to rub your feet while you work.

24:Don't look at me like that.

25:You cannot come within three feet of power tools.

26:Don't touch my desk.

27:Don't end your briefings with "In my pants"

28:Don't call Hughes just to talk then give the phone to me.

29: Don't kidnap Ed!

30:Don't attack your officers with water, just because they control fire.

31:Don't get shot

32:And finally, stop getting shot!

** After reading it she looked up at him with anger blazing in her eyes. "Name one time I have done any thing on this list."**

** Mustang looked at her and sat down. "Don't even get me started..."**

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dani:Yes my lovlies I am back for 2010 a bit early and I come bearing a new series of insanity. this series is a bunch of one shots based off my list that i created while watching FMA one night. Enjoy!


	2. You cannot purchase souls during work…

_**here is number one from the list. please enjoy my insanity. ^.^**_

**_Again I don't own FMA...blah blah blah..._**

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__1:You cannot purchase souls during work…or at all for that matter._

Erin typed away on her computer. The sounds of the keystrokes were rapid like gunfire and on the young lieutenant's face was a smile that would match the Devil in comparison. Beside her sat her Commanding officer Roy Mustang who as usual was watching everyone else work while he slacked off. He turned to her with a bewildered look on his face.

"Oh are we actually working today, Chronos?" He asked, sarcasm dripping from every syllable. "That's a nice change of…"  
"SHHHH!!!!!!" She hissed. " I am focusing! Quit interrupting my thought process and go back to sleep or something." She said while her eyes never left the luminescent screen in front of her face.

"You feeling okay?" Jean Havoc looked up from his desk suddenly concerned. " Erin, perhaps you should go home. You're actually feeling well enough to Focus on your job!" Once more the sarcasm escaped into the air of the their military office. Havoc's remark earned him a few chuckles from everyone else working with them.

"Ha ha bite me." She growled as she danced her fingers across the keyboard.

Everyone in the room stared at her in confusion. Was this the mark of the apocalypse? What happened to the lazy lieutenant, is she dying? An uncomfortable silence (With the exception of Erin's computer) fell over everyone.

Erin moved her right hand on top of the mouse in one swift motion, clicked then bit her lip with uncertainty.

"Come on…" She muttered. "Come on…"

Her computer let out a rather loud dinging noise and an automated voice spoke. "Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of…" The voice switched to a human's voice. " A Living human's soul."

The lieutenant grinned as she leaned back in her chair, placing her boots on top of her desk.


	3. Stay in your office

_**you know and I know that i don't own FMA.**_

**_this was a fun one to write. ENjoy._**

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_2:You are not allowed to leave your office when high-ranking officials are visiting._

**"Today was the day that Central's military center was to have the most important inspection of their life. Everything was spotless… in perfect condition. Till she came in." Havoc shuddered at the thought. "She was a bit on edge…seeing that her date last night stood her up and all…" Havoc continued. "She didn't show up for formation this morning, we thought she was still at home, like she usually is. Well it was around…" He paused for a moment. " 1 P.M when she showed up finally…we just began inspection a few minutes ago…around 12:45 P.M…the higher-ups didn't like her the minute she walked in." He sighed. "Poor Erin, she looked a mess…looked like she was fighting one of those hangover headaches…Anyways, the General running the inspection started laying into her and saying she was the worst the military had to offer…and docking points off of Mustang's review left and right and that's when she… well…Snapped." Havoc looked at the Furher, silently asking him if he needed to continue.**

"**Was that when she stabbed him in the shoulder with his own pen?" King Bradley asked, looking up from the paperwork he was writing.**

"**Oh, yes sir. That was when." Havoc answered while he watched the Furher write out the incident report. **

"**Lieutenant Havoc…one more thing…" the Furher folded his hands in front of his face, and looked at the blonde sternly. "Do you know why she stabbed Mustang afterwards?" **

**Havoc stared back, trying not to laugh at why she stabbed the Flame alchemist. "I have no idea sir."**


	4. you can't play with fire

_**ENJOY IT! **_

**_Fave it!  
_**

**_Reveiw it!_**

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_3:You are not allowed to set things on fire even if I (Roy) do__._

**Erin sat at her desk, staring down a huge stack of paperwork that Hawkeye commanded her to take care of. Everyone in the office had to leave for an inspection and due to recent events…she had to stay locked up in her office with a mountain of paperwork to keep her busy. She sighed, she complained to no one and she thought of ways to get out of doing it. She glanced around to make sure she was completely alone before going over to Mustang's desk.**

**" Erin, my friend…you are an evil genius." She said out loud, a grin playing at her lips while she rummaged around his bottom drawer finding exactly what she needed to conduct her ' Get out of boring paperwork' scheme.**

**

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**

**_Later_**

**The fire brigade drove away from the military center after battling a fierce fire that started in one of the offices, leaving behind a sea of blue uniformed military personal all covered with ash and soot.**

**" Erin!" Mustang shouted, his face twisted in a bemused scowl. He towered over the smaller, now soot covered subordinate. **

**"Yes?" Erin looked up at him and grinned sheepishly. **

**He hit her upside the head. "WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU CATCH THE BUILDING ON FIRE?! JUST ONE TIME CHRONOS I'D LOVE TO GET THROUGH AN INSPECTION WITH OUT ANY CALLATERAL DAMAGE DONE TO ANYTHING!" **

**"In my defense, I was attempting to catch my paperwork on fire, like you do all the time. It wasn't MY fault that your gloves were defective and caused a totally awesome explosion." She took a step back from him.  
Mustang glared at her. "Come here and I'll show you how affective they can be!!!!!!!" He yelled as he lunged towards her neck. " I could kill you and leave no trace!"  
Lieutenant Chronos shrieked and took off in a dead-sprint to escape his grasp.**

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number four from the list will be up next. Stay tuned and reveiw please or I'll be sad.


	5. you can't fire people either

_**this chapter tells of cain furey's first day at central. it's short. but i'll make up for it later.**_

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_4:You are not authorized to fire officers._

_**Knock, Knock.**_**  
****  
"Come in." Mustang's rough voice lazily shouted from his desk. .  
"Hey boss, you may want to go get the new guy." Havoc said from the doorway.  
"What for?" Mustang asked, stifling a yawn.**

"**Well, he's leaving." Hughes grinned sheepishly.**

" **Well Havoc, tell him to get his ass back here. Do I have to do everything?!" He snapped.**

"**I've tried that Roy. He thinks he got fired." **

"**Oh? And who fired him?" **

"**Take a wild guess."**

****

"Erin impersonating me again?" he sighed and covered his eyes with his hand. "That pain in the ass is going to cost me my job."


	6. Smoke break

**This is a more serious one shot. I thought it was cute. ^.^ and yes I know I skipped some of the rules but i had no ideas for them and this popped into my mind.**

**Enjoy.**

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8:Just because Havoc takes smoke breaks does not mean that you can take them too. You do not smoke.

Havoc watched the clock hands slowly tick away the seconds. He was one minute away from being reunited with his fix of the day…Smoking. He loved the way it made him unwind a little…especially since he was stuck in an office all day with LT. 'Oh let's see what kind of chaos I can cause today.' He swore that woman's one and only goal in life was to see how much damage, how much destruction, how far she can go without killing herself in the process. He avoided people like that; he didn't want to get caught in the crossfire. Still, he found her amusing at times…and she was pretty but then again she's also pretty crazy.

Jean Havoc stood, cigarettes in hand and walked out to his smoking spot beneath an elm tree. Absent-mindedly he sat him self down without noticing that something was in his spot.

He felt a light tap on his shoulder, which made the blonde realize that for once he wouldn't be lighting up alone. "Oh! I'm sorry I didn't see you there…" He got off of their lap then stared in awe at what exactly he was sitting on. "Erin? You smoke?"

The red head shook her head. "Nope, it's a filthy habit."

"Then what are you doing out here?" He asked sitting beside her, placing a cigarette between his lips and lighting the end of it. "You should be working."

"I'm taking a smoke break Havoc." She leaned back against the trunk of the tree and closed her eyes.

"But you don't smoke!" He exhaled a puff of smoke into the air and stared at her.

"You know that…and I know that but Hawkeye doesn't need to know that. Catch my drift?" She put an unlit cigarette between her lips and grinned.

He smiled at her. "Yeah, I know exactly what you mean." He leaned back as well, tapping his cigarette to get rid of a few ashes.

She sighed. " It's nice to leave that office every once in a while…I never really get the chance too without them assuming that I would destroy something."

"Because you usually do."

She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. "That's besides the point Havoc."

He laughed after taking another drag from the cigarette.


	7. Guns

**this one is funny and a bit perverted but nothing too bad...I hope.**

**again i skipped a few that I had no ideas for.**

**Enjoy.**

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**12:You cannot touch Riza's guns.**

"Oh come on Hawkeye! It was for the name of science!" Erin said while Havoc held an ice pack on her blackened, swollen eye.

"There was nothing scientific about what you did Lieutenant!" Hawkeye folded her arms across her chest. " I swear sometimes you're a lot worse then half of the men in this building."  
." You need to lighten up Hawkeye." She winced in pain as Hughes finished bandaging up her gunshot wound she received in the shoulder.

Hawkeye stormed out of the room just as Mustang entered. He looked at the pissed off Riza Hawkeye, to the injured pain in the ass and around his office.

"What happened?" Roy asked.

"Well, let's just say that Chronos touched Riza's 'guns'. " Falman said laughing a bit.

Mustang looked confused. "Okay well she should know better than to handle someone else's weapons."  
"Uh, Roy…not those type of guns." Havoc held his hands in front of his chest. "Her 'GUNS'…get the picture?"  
Roy looked at Erin, his eye's wide with shock and he was speechless.

"What?!" Erin glared back at him.

"Why!"

"To prove her gender."

Mustang smacked a hand over his forehead and groaned in annoyance. "You really do have a death wish don't you?"


	8. tanks and buttons

AGH I AM SO SORRRY I NEED TO UPDATE.

i did it. i came up with idears for 5 and 6 so they aren't in order.

its going to go,

1

2

3

4

8

12

then 5 and 6

7

9

10

11

13 through the last one

so basically the series aint gonna be in order...my bad.

ENJOY!

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_**5:You are not allowed to touch any buttons.**_

_**6: no you can't drive the tank either.**_

**Lt. Chronos stared at the destroyed building before her then to Mustang.**

**"Oh come on how else was I supposed to know that it would actually explode unless I touched it?"**

**Mustang took his hand off his face. " Gee, I don't know maybe BY READING ALL THE SIGNS POSTED AROUND IT THAT SAID DO NOT TOUCH! HIGHLY EXPLOSIVE! THAT MEANT YOU CHRONOS!" He screamed.**

**She giggled. "Wow, I bet you have realllllllly high blood pressure from being so angry all the time. Huh Roy-sy?"**

**"…I hate you."**  
**"I know." She grinned and scanned the area her eyes targeting a tank. "OOH! I WANNA DRIVE THAT!"**

**"No." Mustang growled as he dragged her off.**

**"But mustang who else is going to test and make sure they're destroy-ey enough!?"**

**"Any one but you." She pouted as she was dragged into their make shift office.**


	9. formation

7: You cannot show up for formation whenever you want to.

**Erin skipped onto the field and a surprisingly pleasant mood.**

**"Hello to all!" She waved enthusiastically at Havoc, and received nothing back.**

**"Psh fine then." She looked at the line of the soldiers all standing at attention for their weekly formation inspection her spot open.**

**She skipped over to it just as the drill instructor announced, "At ease men return to your duties." She started to walk away. "NOT YOU CHRONOS! WHAT DOES MANDATORY MEAN TO YOU?"**  
**She looked up at the big, bald, scary man and smiled. "A man is dating Tory…sir."**

**The drill instructor glared at her. "No it means get your ass here when we tell you to. Not come prancin' in like some Lillie sniffin' fairy princess at any time you feel like it."**

**"Mustang said I could. He also called you a…sissy." She grinned evilly. " Are you gonna let him get away with that?" The instructor glared at her again before storming off to find mustang.**

**Erin giggled. "Enjoy your Monday Mustang~"**


	10. giggles

10:If the thought of something makes you giggle for more than 5 seconds you should assume that you are banned from doing it.

**Lt. Chronos glanced around the room a villainous smirk on her face as she began to giggle evilly. "Oh this is going to be good."**

**She continued to laugh, it resembling the ones heard in a psyche ward. "Real good, Erin you have out done your self."**

**Riza looked at her from her "perch" (desk XD). "Chronos whatever it is you are laughing about, its illegal and the answer is no. GET BACK TO WORK!"**

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okay so this was a short one but i am trying to get to the better ones on the list (not to mention accomplish my goal of finishing this frackin thing) So read it and reveiw it and shut up, alright? ;D


	11. at the range

11: No, You cannot use my pictures as the targets while at the shooting range.

"Hey Hughes-ey~" Erin skipped up to the bespectacled (Lol it means glasses wearing. Fun word!) man and attempted to act as innocent as possible. " I need a favor."

"Do you need to borrow money?"

"No. "

"Then continue. What do you need?"

Erin grinned her all-too familiar grin. "You wouldn't happen to have any pictures of Roy with you, would you??"

Maes grinned. "But of course!" He almost said, excited someone wanted to see his photos. (No one ever does. T.T)

"Can I have one, to show a friend who wants to date the hothead?"

"Sure!" he said, handing her a picture of the Flame Alchemist.

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"Oh Sheska! I need to use the copier!" Erin yelled as she entered the library.

"Alright, but be careful this time." She said flinching at the tone of the Lieutenant's voice.

"THANKS!" Erin yelled as she raced to the machine and pulling out the photograph.

* * *

_ BANG! BANG! BANG!_

The sound of gunshots filled the Flame Alchemist's ears as he walked to the range for some target practice himself. As he entered, two sargents passed by laughing.

"Man, i hit every single one today." One said.

"must be the new targets." the other laughed again, nudging him in the ribcage as they passed Roy.

* * *

Roy lined up at the firing zone, his ungloved hand gripping his steel- cold gun. He stared out into the feild waiting for one of the targets to spring up.

As soon as the first went up and mustang aimed he froze, the gun tumbling from his hand. "ALRIGHT WHY THE HELL IS THERE PICTURES OF ME ON THE TARGETS? WHO DID THIS?! " He turned towards his squadron yelling.

Erin looked at him with mock sincerity and innocence. " I saw Havoc and Breda get the photos from Maes who knew about it the whole time. Then they copied them and posted them on the target boards because they broke into your desk, stole your planner and found out you were scheduled to come to the range today." she blinked.

Havoc, Breda and Maes looked at her and glared.

Erin turned away, "why Mustang why do they do such bad thi-"

Mustang lunged towards her. " I KNOW IT WAS YOU! GET BACK HERE!"

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lol i like this one.


	12. Where's Fury?

13:You are defiantly not allowed to sell Fury to horny men for Kalishnikovs…no matter how fun the name of the gun is.

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"Has anyone seen Fury?" Breda asked, looking around the office for the dog-loving sergeant.

Erin looked at him while cleaning a Russian Kalishnikovs gun. "I think it'd be best if you'd forget about your little friend." She inspected the barrel of the gun. " He had to go somewhere." She smirked.

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_**Somewhere in Russia:**_

"Why am I in this cage. Boss? I wanna go home!" A small voice cried out. "Breda? Erin? Anybody!?!"

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a/N: lol. its short. almost 200 VEIWS THIS MONTH! (from when i published this) ^.^ i feel loved.


	13. Explosives!

**A/N: I'm skipping a few of them cuz i have no ideas... I'm not doing # 9, 14 or 15 on the list. :C but on the other automailic hand, school's out im back and ready to upload! Yay!**

I don't own FMA...blah blah blah enjoy! i never want to own Edward cullen either. stephanie myers can keep her crappy books. She doesn't even deserve her name to be capitalized or spelled correctly in this disclaimer. That's how much i hate her and twilight. I died a little when i watched it...and dont even get me started on what i did to the twilight book after i read page three. ;D Let's just say it met it's firey DOOM.

read it reveiw it 

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16: No you cannot play with the explosives.

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"Has anyone seen Erin?" Mustang burst into the office out of breath. Immediately the entire office straightened up and pretended to be working.

"Nope." They all said in unison.

"Weren't you supposed to be keeping an eye on her, sir?" Hawkeye asked her eyebrow arched.

"SHE LOCKED ME IN THE SUPPLY CLOSET!" He yelled.

"Again?"

"Have you seen her?"

"She probably went to the little ladies room. Aren't you over reacting, just a little?" Hughes put an arm around Roy in an attempt to calm him down.

"You don't understand…we just got a new…" He swallowed hard. " A new shipment of explosives…C4…Her favorite…she could kill us all!"

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"Put me down~" Erin whined. "I mean it Armstrong put me…"

Armstrong burst into the office his Edward Cullen sparkles sparkling around Erin and him. (Lol that's where Stephanie Myer got it from ;D RIP OFF ARTIST!) "Mustang sir!" he saluted with one hand. "By order of the Furher I was told to deliver Miss Erin to you."

"I DO NOT ENJOY BEING MANHANDLED!" She yelled as she thrashed around in Armstrong's grip. "Now put me down or I swear you will experience womanhood."

Armstrong handed Erin over to a dumbfounded Roy. "Here you go."

"C4 Hanger?" Roy asked looking at her and sighing.

Armstrong nodded. "C4 hanger."

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**A/N: any stupid OMG I love twilight shut the eff up bizotch etc... reveiws/ hate mail/ rudeness will be gone like the book itself. in flames...don't EFF with me! I don't give a crap if you lOoooooove it cuz i hatttttttte it, so shut the eff up yourself go read twilight and have a fang-asm about a guy who sparkles like a Lillie sniffin' fairy princess AND DOESNT EXIST! **

** TEEHEE. rant over. have a good day and stay tuned!**


	14. The B word

**A/N: HAHAHAAHA this one was fun to write. I down own...blah blah blah, i'm going to shut up and let you read. **

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**17:The correct way to address Lieutenant Hawkeye is " First Lieutenant Chronos reporting _sir._" Not "What the hell do you want now bitch?"**

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Erin sat at her desk, balancing a pencil on her upper lip, a look of pure determination in her eyes. Her size seven, standard issued boots comfortably resting on a high pile of untouched paperwork that her superior Lieutenant Hawkeye 'so kindly' decided that she needed to complete in the following hour if she didn't want Kitchen Duty for the rest of the month.

She let out a loud sigh as the pencil lost its balance and fell to the floor with a light thud. Slowly, not to disturb the work underneath her boots she put her feet back on the floor and glared at the papers in front of her. "Oh how I hate that woman…or man…or whatever the hell Hawkeye is." She grumbled as she got out a new pencil. She coughed to clear her throat and dramatically deepened her voice, mocking the lieutenant.

"Chronos I expect this to be completed in one hour or I will have you working your ass off on KP duty for the next month, get to work." Erin sighed again. She glanced at her pocket watch for the umpteenth time. " I still have time before I have to actually do this." She thought aloud as she looked around the office, spotting her target of the day…

"Oh Roy…" Her eyes met his dark ones and she grinned.

* * *

After torturing Roy to his breaking point, Erin took another look at her watch. "I have 3 minutes to do an hour's work…Damn that Mustang and his distracting me!" She cursed as she looked back at the stack of work. "Eh." She shrugged. "Too late to do it right now."

Quickly, Erin took out her pencil and began writing away at the work, finishing with seconds to spare. "Erin, you're such a genius." She grinned as she stacked the papers back into a neat pile.

* * *

Erin knocked on the door of Hawkeye's office.

"Enter!"

Erin slammed the heavy door wide open and marched up to her desk. "Why the hell did you have me woken up from my…I mean…" she thought for a moment. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT NOW BITCH? I DID THE PAPERWORK IN THE HOUR LIKE YOU SAID!" She yelled obviously annoyed.

"True Chronos you did the paperwork, but I highly doubt that…" Hawkeye took out a few pages that were completed by Erin.

"Writing 'I hate Mustang' and drawing a picture of him on fire qualifies as completing your inventory page…and a smiley face on this accident report doesn't mean it's done." Hawkeye glared at her.

"You never said how it had to be done!" She yelled back, slamming her fist down on Hawkeye's desk.

"One more thing before you report to KP duty, Lt. Chronos. When you enter a superior's office you don't call them a bitch."

"Maybe you shouldn't be one then!"

"What was that?" Hawkeye asked, shoving the barrel of her handgun between Erin's eyes.

"I mean, I'd be more than happy to do my share of KP duty Lt. Bitch, Sir!" Erin said quickly before ducking and taking off, running away screaming.

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**A/N: KEEP THOSE REVEIWS COMING & STAY TUNED **


	15. an unexpected twist

**A/N: 287 hits as of the date of publication for this chapter. thanks guys! I dedicate this chapter to all of you.**

**Mmkay I took a serious spin for this chapter. I think it turned out rather well. It's really sorta long this time too. **

**So If you read it please will ya reveiw it? Thanks ya'll. Enjoy!**

**I don't own FMA blah blah blah...**

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18: You cannot taunt Havoc with cigarettes while in the office.

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"Come on Erin knock it off." He whined looking up at her with his pleading blue eyes. "You know I'm trying to quit smoking."

Erin sat on top of his desk, an unlit cigarette between her skinny fingers. "By quit you mean while in the office because Hawkeye's gonna kill you?"

"Exactly. Stop trying to get me in trouble."

"… I can't believe you'd think that I'd try to do that to you Jean. I'm just trying to help you loosen up a little because you seem so stressed." She

frowned as she got up and returned to her desk, leaving the pack of cigarettes on his desk.

* * *

Havoc sighed. "Erin…" He looked over at her. She was sitting at her desk staring at Roy's empty desk. "Erin…you left your cigarettes over on…Erin?"

He placed his hands on his desk and got up walking over to her, cigarettes in hand. '_Something is wrong with her...if this is her latest prank, getting _

_me to __smoke…its not like her to do something so boring…'_ He thought as he looked around the empty office. He sighed and ran a hand through his

hair.

"Why don't you tell me what's on your mind, you've been acting weird all day."

"Have I?" she asked quietly, still looking at the desk.

"Your pranks today weren't as…extreme as usual, at lunch you didn't eat, and you actually finished your paperwork…."

"Oh…"

"Not to mention that you're staring at Roy's empty desk."

"…"

* * *

Jean placed a hand on her trembling shoulder without saying a word.

"Jean…" She asked looking up at him with tears forming in the corners of her eyes. " Is Mustang going to be okay?"

"I'm pretty sure he's gonna be." He smiled at her softly.

Slowly, tears began to slide down her cheeks. "He got shot because of me…its all my fault…"

Jean chuckled.

"It's not funny Jean!"

"Yes it is." He suppressed his laughter quickly when he saw it was making Erin more upset. "Erin…He got shot in the shoulder, while tackling you

out of the way. It's just his shoulder. He should be back in here tomorrow and everything will be back to normal around here, alright?"

"You don't know that." Erin sobbed.

* * *

Havoc sighed again. "Erin…" Just then the office doors slammed open to reveal an annoyed Hawkeye, Hughes in all his usual cheerfulness and a

worn-out Mustang.

"Are we interrupting something, Lieutenant Havoc?" Hawkeye asked as she eyed the two suspiciously.

"Is Erin crying?" Mustang looked at them as well as he sat down.

"Uh…yes?" Havoc said looking at Mustang. " I see they let you out early boss. Welcome back. "

"After he whined and complained, you mean." Hughes said while taking the Coronal's jacket for him.

"Why's she crying? Havoc what did you do?" Riza glared.

"Ah…Um…You see sir she was crying because…" Havoc looked at Erin.

"H-h-he yelled at me!" She sobbed.

"I did no- owww!" Havoc was silenced by a kick to the shin and a glare from Erin. "I mean yeah I did."

"I yell at you all the time Chronos what's the big deal?" Mustang looked at the two with an eyebrow raised.

"Well…He…was… he was… was worried about you sir… and…I…I said… hey…you should calm d-down Mustang's gonna be okay…so…so I told him

he should go ahead and light up…because…all the s-stress ain't helping Mustang and he threw the carton of cigarettes at me and started to yell!"

She wiped away her tears.

* * *

"And when you guys came in I was apologizing for making her cry." Havoc added quickly to avoid any trouble from Riza " I was just really worried…

and had no idea how bad you were hurt sir." He lied.

Mustang sighed. "Alright. Havoc go take a smoke break, maybe some nicotine will make you nicer. Hawkeye, will you go get me those accident

forms I need to fill out and Hughes, will you get me some water to take my pain killers with?" All three of them left quickly to do what their superior

requested of them. Erin tried to sneak out of the room before Mustang could notice.

* * *

"Erin, what really happened?"

Erin let go of the door and turned to look at him.

"Shut the door and sit down. I know you two are lying, Havoc sucks at lying." Slowly Erin turned around and sat back in her desk chair. "Erin, why

were you crying when I came in?"

"…"

"Answer me."

"…"

"Erin! I mean it, answer me."

"…I was worried about you Roy…" She said softly, avoiding his eyes.

"Why?" He looked at her confused.

"You got shot because of me."

Roy laughed softly.

"Why does everybody think that's so funny?" She looked at him irritated.

"Because you didn't do anything Erin."

" If I paid more attention…"

"You didn't know Erin, that the guy was behind you." Roy stood up and walked over to the window. "Listen, I saved you because I wanted to

alright? I saved you. It's not your fault."

"What the hell am I here for if I can't even hear a guy walking up behind me with a gun?" she muttered. "If everyone gets shot for me?"

* * *

Roy frowned as he walked over to her desk pulling her up to her feet.

"Roy?" She looked at him in surprise.

Roy stared into her hazel eyes, and lifted his hands to her face to wipe away new tears that were beginning to form.

"I'm sorry I …" Roy silenced her by placing a gentle kiss on her. She closed her eyes and kissed back.

* * *

Roy was the first to pull away to break the kiss. He stared at her again. _'What's going on here?' _He thought as he continued to stare.

Erin stared at him as well. '_Did He just? Did I back? What's going on!' _

Quickly, Erin and Roy returned to their seats, their cheeks bright crimson in color.

Roy coughed to clear his throat. "We never speak of this again agreed?"

"Agreed." She said quickly as she stood up, saluted with the wrong hand to him and walked with her head down towards the door in a fast walk.

"And another thing Chronos…" She looked back at him nervously, her hand on the door once again. " Stop tempting Havoc with cigarettes while

he's in the office." He smiled as she left.

* * *

"Sir?" Hughes asked looking at him with concern as he returned with his water.

"Yeah Maes?" He said, grinning like an idiot.

"You okay?"

"Yeah."

"Why are you smiling like that? What happened?"

"Absolutely nothing." Roy leaned back in his chair and put his feet up on his desk.

"If you say so." Maes handed him the glass of water and his pain killers.

* * *

**A/N: Bet you didn't see that one coming. Stay tuned.**


	16. more unexpectedness

**A/N: First of all thank you to all who have reveiwed so far, I offically love you. To those who added this story to their alerts, I give you a cookie...because you have good taste,lol. Right not funny, Dani. And to those who have added me as their favorite author I am honored. I never expected to become this liked. *bows* Without you I would be nothing but lameness on the sundae of life. thank you.**

**OKAY! sappy moment over. hahahahahahahaha. nope. for those of you who have memorized the list I am on numero 19 and 20. _(Yes I put them together even though 20 is not mentioned at all in this but it's my story so deal with it! Why? because Im awesome...no im not...I just lied...) _Anyways if this chapter makes anyone cry then good. That means I wrote it with the effect I was aiming for. I'm going to shut up now after I say FMA is not mine...and let you read it. ENJOY!**

* * *

19: You are not allowed to get shot.

20:No, that doesn't mean you can use Alphonse as a shield.

* * *

The sound of the bullet exploding from the barrel…the screaming…oh God all the screaming as she fell to the ground not moving. Her squadron leader, the man she just saved rushing to her side lifting her head off of the ground and holding her close to him…listening for a heartbeat…finding it fading by the second. His hand shaking, found it's way to her bullet wound, the crimson blood staining his white gloves.

"Erin!" He yelled to a pitiless sky that began to pour down rain, adding more misery to the squadron's grief.

* * *

The waiting room was a small sea of blue military uniforms, a small red jacket, and a suit of armor all huddled together on one side of the room waiting for the news.

" Roy…Roy…ROY SIT DOWN!" Riza yelled at the pacing officer. "Your not helping the cause in anyway by stressing…she's in good hands here…Roy…She's going to be… okay…" She reassured not only him, but also herself.

"She's been in there for hours Riza! Isn't it obvious that something's not right?" He yelled turning to look at her with a tear-stained face. "She's going to die and you know it! I know it, everybody knows it…no one…not even someone as stubborn as Erin could survive a shot like that…and you know it." Roy turned away from his squadron and balled his hands into tight fists.

"I think she's going to make it." Alphonse said quietly.

"Al…You don't…" His elder brother started to say but was quickly interrupted.

" I know she is, brother! She promised us after she found out that we had no one left but each other that she'd always be here for us…she always keeps her word…she has to!" He said, his voice trembling as if within the suit of armor his soul was on the verge of tears. "She just has to." He said again, his voice stronger.

* * *

"And she'll get to." A deep, male voice said from behind the crowd. Quickly, everybody turned around and saw that it was the surgeon who operated on their fallen comrade.

"You mean…" Roy looked at the doctor with his eyes now filled with hope.

" It wasn't easy, she lost a lot of blood and quit on us twice, but we got her stitched up and the bullets out. I'd say that little lady is one of the luckiest people I've ever met."

"But she's okay right?"

"She'll be back to feeling 100 percent in about two weeks." The doctor smiled. "Would you all like to go see her?" Every single head nodded but Roy's. As the doctor lead them to her room in the Intensive Care Unit… he hung back away from everyone.

* * *

'_I can't go see her…not with her lying there…so…so helpless…it's all my fault that she's here in the first place…I should have been the one to get shot. Not her…She must hate me…It's all my fault…I should have moved…then she wouldn't of had to get in the way…' _Roy's thoughts were racing…he felt sick…disgusted with himself. _'She didn't deserve this…she almost died…and it's all my fault…'_ He sat down against the wall outside of her room and waited for the rest of his comrades to finish with their visit with his head buried in his hands. _'It's all my…'_

"Roy! There you are!" Hughes was relieved that he found him. " Erin woke up." Roy looked up at him sadly. "She was asking where you were…why didn't you go in with us?" He took a seat beside Roy, pulling his long legs up against his chest and resting his chin on his knees.

"…It's all my fault that she's in here…" Roy mumbled quietly. "I couldn't save myself…so she got hurt, and I couldn't even kill the guy who hurt her…I just…I just stood there and did nothing…" He looked down at his bloodstained alchemy gloves. " I could have prevented this you know?" He took off the gloves and threw them across the hall. "I'm supposed to be this amazing alchemist and I couldn't even save one soldier… what good are those damn gloves if I don't use them?"

Hughes was silent. He stood up and walked across the hall and retrieved Roy's gloves for him.

"Leave them there Maes. I don't need them any…"

"Shut up." Maes said yanking him to his feet. "You shut the hell up and you listen to me Roy Mustang." He said angrily as he slipped the gloves back into Roy's pockets. " You are not sitting here in the hallway of a hospital throwing a fit because you feel guilty that Erin stepped in to save your ass when you did the same exact thing for her. You know that she chose to and that she would save you again in a heartbeat." Roy looked away from Maes. "She's in there waiting for you. The first thing she asked was if you were okay Roy. She was looking for you! It upset her that you wouldn't even come in and see her that she started crying." He slammed Roy against the wall to get his attention. "She's in there crying thinking that you're mad at her…that she screwed up... and you're out here being a jackass."

"But…"

"It's obvious that something went on between you and Erin that day in your office. I know you Roy, you're my best friend ...you usually don't act like this."

"Now wait a…"

"You love her?" Maes loosened his grip some.

"What? That's…" Roy laughed nervously, his cheeks turning a light pink. "That's ridiculous, me in love? If I ever fell in love why would it be with a co-worker? And why would I want to? I can't look at other pretty girls if I'm in…" Roy began to ramble only to be interrupted again by Maes.

"Do you love her Roy?" Maes smirked as the Flame Alchemist reddened more.

" ..."

"Do...you...Love...her, Roy?" he asked for a third time.

"Maybe." Roy bit his lip and thought hard about what he just said to Maes. "Well…I don't…know Maes…"

* * *

Hughes let him go, smiling like his usual self. "You should get in there and see Erin before she falls back asleep." He pushed Roy towards the door. "Try and keep your hands off her this time." He whispered in his ear.

"You were spying on us?" Roy stopped and glared over his shoulder at his friend.

"It would have been rude to interrupt…you seemed to enjoy it…" Maes winked as he opened the door and pushed Roy in. "Look at what I found, Erin!"

Erin sat before Roy in her bed, looking extremely frail. She looked up through a few stray strands of hair that fell onto her face. "Roy?" She whispered, sounding very distant despite how close they were to each other.

"H-hey…Erin." Roy whispered back, sticking his hands deep into his pants pockets,distracting himself by looking anywhere but at her." Does it still hurt?"

She turned away from him and let out a loud gasp of pain from moving.

"Don't move Erin. You could reopen your wound." Riza scolded pushing her back down to her former position.

He shot a glance in her direction then quickly returned his stare back to the floor. "I'm sorry." He fingered at the gloves in his pockets out of nervousness.

Erin sighed. " No. Don't be…" She gasped again as she sat up more.

* * *

Roy's head snapped up and he yelled, "Damn it Chronos quit moving if it hurts!" He walked over to her side and glared down at her. "I swear you are too stubborn for…" He looked down at his waist to find his pain-in-the-ass lieutenant hugging him about it.

"I thought I was never gonna get to hear you yell at me like that ever again!" She sobbed as she hugged him tighter.

Roy looked at her with a few tears starting to form in his eyes yet again. He hugged her back, causing everybody in the room (**beside Maes**) to become completely confused. "I thought I'd never get a chance to…" He whispered. "Why'd you do it?"

She looked up at him and smiled. " Just returnin' the favor boss."

Roy sat down on the edge of the bed and held on to her tighter, burying his face into her hair. "From now on you are never allowed to get shot again you hear me!" He yelled, partially muffled by her hair. Erin, along with the rest of the people in the room began to laugh.

* * *

**A/n: YAY! Erin's okay! Doesn't that bring a fuzzy, sick ,throw-upppy feeling to your innards? lol. Roy confessed without actually confessing...hughes and al had some really good speeches...HAPPY ENDINGS FOR ALL! Well...execpt erin...who got...well...you know...shot.**

**I realized after I wrote this that I made Roy cry alot. I guess he's a real man! lol**

**Stay tuned~**


	17. To the gate O' noble steed!

**A/N: Hello my lovlies! almost 500 veiws this month. :D Anyways this one is funny,short and number 21! AGH ALMOST THE END! D: But i have new upcoming plans for fma. they are...**

**1: A spinoff love story about Erin and Roy**

**2: Song-Shots where i take songs and make a one shot out of it. ( Songs needed) Isn't a cute little name?**

**3: A Talkshow**

**ALL AT THE SAME TIME. But not till this is over.**

**Busy Busy Busy. without further delay number 21 on the list.**

**By the way I DONT OWN FMA.**

* * *

21: You can't threaten anyone.

* * *

Erin barged into the office, the sound of her boots stomping hinting that she was pissy. She looked like she usually did every morning; pissed off as usual…and as usual mad at the Flame Alchemist.

"You!" Erin hissed, pointing at Roy.

"What did I do this time?" He asked, sighing and resting his chin on his hand. He learned long ago to just sit there when she has her morning rants.

"You so totally cheated!" She stomped her foot.

"Chronos…" he sighed again, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"You know! Stop acting like you don't!" Erin hollered.

"No I don't!" He stood and glared at her.

"You snuck into my room and stole my alarm clock! You made me late!" Erin stood on her tiptoes to glare into his eyes. "And it was the day you made a bet to see if I could be on time or I would have to wear a mini skirt."

Roy smirked. "What size are you?" He held up a outrageously short, blue skirt.

* * *

"I AM NOT WEARING THAT!"

"You made a bet!"

She grabbed the skirt from his hands. "I swear I will kill you in your sleep Roy Mustang. You better sleep with one eye open." She glared as she walked into the supply closet to change.

* * *

"You dressed yet Lt.?" Havoc asked as he knocked on the door, a stupid, perverse grin on his face.

Erin slammed the door open hitting Havoc in the face. "I look ridiculous." She tugged at the skirt that hugged her hips. "Look I put it on can I go put on my pants now?"

"NO!" Roy, Havoc, Breda and Falman yelled at the same time.

Roy cleared his throat and the other men stared at her with mouths agape.

"A bet's a bet." Roy stared as she glared at them.

"I'm taking it off." She turned to go back into the closet only to be grabbed by Roy. "_Damn perverts…need to get laid_…" she thought.

* * *

"Listen, while you're in that outfit how about we go out for lun…" Roy fell to the ground holding his left eye in pain. "WHAT THE HELL ERIN!"

" Riza give me your guns." She said to the blonde.

"Now, Erin we can talk about …are you wearing lace panties…." He grinned. From his spot on the floor he could see up her skirt. " Real…real nice."

She turned around holding Riza's guns, her eye twitching. "I'M GOING TO SEND YOU TO THE GATE YOU ASS!" She screamed as she began to fire away.

* * *

**A/N: keep those reveiws coming and stay tuned. later.**

** P.S: hit that subscribe button or roy doesn't eat. ;D  
**


	18. why bother?

**A/N: I dunno what is im in the mood to write. i hope i dont finish the series today...at the rate im writing at it could happen. D: But as I said last chapter keep checking back after this is done and look at my new FMA series im going to be doing. At the moment it's SongShots FMA style, Dani's crazy talkshow FMA exclusive annnnnnnd A Erin X roy romance without a title as of now. teehee. when they get posted you should read them and send me ideas! *blows a kiss* They're all going to be started before summer's end. Any ideas are appreciated for the song shot.**

**Anyways on to this chapter it's a mini chapter and has number 22 aand 23 together because they are so short.. and i fixed the spelling of Kain's name in this one. Enjoy the FMAness that i created from a series that i dont own...but wish i do.**

* * *

22:"I'm here aren't I?" Is not to be spoken from your mouth when asked why you're not doing your job.

23:You can't pay Kain to rub your feet while you work.

* * *

"Erin?" Roy looked at her as she sat at her desk folding her paperwork into cranes.

"Yes Boss?" She asked while finishing her 45th crane.

"What are you folding?"

"Cranes."

"I know that! Out of what!"

"The stack of paper someone left on my desk."

"Shouldn't you be filling them out?"

"I dunno."

"You don't know? It's your Job!" He yelled throwing down his pencil and turning to look at her completely.

She shrugged. "I'm here aren't I? Isn't that enough to get a paycheck around here? I mean what do they do with the paperwork after it's done? Where does it go? Into a file never to be seen again, so why do it?" Erin folded another crane.

Roy looked absolutely dumbfounded. He buried his head in his hands and sighed. "Why did you make them into cranes then?"

"Well I figure at least we can display these around on people's desks to add a touch of culture to the office…unlike boring stacks of paperwork, pretty smart huh?"

* * *

"..." Roy slammed his head down on his desk. "Chronos, please tell me you didn't bully Furey into rubbing your feet for you?" He pointed at her feet with his head still down.

"Of course not." She said as she leaned back.

"She paid me this time sir." Kain said as he massaged the Lieutenant's feet.

* * *

**A/N: More to come. Reveiws please!**


	19. Roy's dirty little secret

**A/n: I wrote this at 1 a.m. So i'm sleep deprived and hyper...So very, very, very hyper. I think I may have made Roy a bit OC in this but it goes along the lines of the "l LOVE DOGS!" thing he had in the Fullmetal Vs. Flame episode only it's been DANI-FIED to fit the plot... wait...does this even really have a plot? Or is this all a bunch of random ideas that pop into my head? WHO KNOWS! I don't care. you seem to love it...so enjoy!**

**I don't own FMA...blah blah blah...wake me up when your done....**

* * *

24:Don't look at me like that.

* * *

Mustang glanced over his shoulder as he walked into the Central Military Base. "Erin, No."

"But…" She followed him until he got to his office, her small steps keeping in time with his. "But Roy…"

"Erin I said no." He said before slamming the door to his office in her face.

"YOU'RE BEING UNREASONABLE!" She yelled through the door to him.

* * *

He said nothing as he closed his eyes and waited for the sound of her boots to stomp down the hallway to go bother someone else. The alchemist noticed that it still stayed silent in the hallway. "Erin either go away or get in here and work." He sighed as he opened his eyes, coming face to face with the red- head sitting cross-legged on top his desk. He screamed in surprise and fell out of his chair.

"HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN HERE! I THOUGHT YOU STILL WERE IN THE HALLWAY!" Roy yelled up at her.

" I used the door, duh."

"I would have heard you."

"You were asleep…as usual…it's…" she looked down at her pocket watch. " 8 o' clock on the nose…your nap time Roy." She returned her watch to her pocket. "You know what goes great with naps? A small fluffy kitten that Alphonse wants to see get a good home."

"No." Roy said firmly as he grabbed hold of his chair and sat back in it.

* * *

"But ~" she whined. "You sleep a lot! You're just like a kitten! It's your ideal pet! No one else is better suited for the little guy, but you!" She paused. "Actually, Furey would be pretty good too."

"Then go bother him!" He snapped.

"He already said he couldn't take him… Furey's allergic to cats."

"I'm not having a stupid cat for a pet!"

"Fine Roy…fine. I'll go tell Al that we have to let the kitten go…into the dangerous streets." Erin looked away from him dramatically as she got off the desk. "Where he can't make it on his own… where he could get eaten by a dog, or hit by a car! And if it rains…the poor little kitten…he's…he's doomed…" She looked back at him and noticed that he was barely paying attention. " And Al will always remember who made that small, innocent, defenseless kitten suffer alone…and how I tried to save it but no…that mean o' heartless flame alchemist hates kittens and hopes that they die." She blinked innocently, giving him the pouty face.

* * *

"I never said that!" He snapped his head into her direction. He stared at her trying not to give in…but failing… "If I let the damn cat sta-" Roy was tackled out of his seat.

"OH THANKS MUSTANG! THANK YOU!" Erin squeezed Mustang happily.

Roy blushed. "Get off me."

Erin stood up and skipped towards the door.

* * *

_**LATER:**_

Roy glared at the kitten, sleeping on the paperwork he had on his desk. He felt stupid. A man like him…a cat owner? Seriously? He glared harder at the ball of calico fluff. "I hate you."

"Mew!" It opened her big green eyes and looked up at him as if saying, ' pet me.'

Roy's face softened for a split moment. He looked around the office to make sure no one was watching what he was about to do. Quickly, he picked up the kit and snuggled it against hi-.

"AHA! I KNEW IT! ~" Erin squealed in the typical female, that's so cute and I'm right sort of way. She looked at him, smugly. "What's its name?"

Roy looked at her and shrugged. "You tell me it's the office cat."

"It looks like it's your cat Mustang." She giggled as it started to swat at the pencil he was rubbing its stomach with.

"I hate cats." He glared at her.

"Then put it down." Her grin got bigger.

Roy turned away from her, the little fluff ball still in his arms. "…"

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" He yelled, a blush creeping along the back of his neck.

* * *

Erin laughed.

"…"

Roy sat the kitten down, much to her disliking. " …So where's Muffin staying…you know…when…the…office is closed?" He said as nonchalantly as possible.

She looked at him. "Muffin?"

"Yeah that's her name." He looked at Erin confused. " You not like it?" His face had a small blush on it as well.

Erin grinned. "Roy?"

"Yeah?" He asked while he stared down at Muffin who was attempting to unlace his boot.

"You wanna keep Muffin, don't you?" She grinned more.

"Maybe!" He said, his voice rose in defense.

"I knew it~" She squealed again.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Roy yelled. "Get to work! We have nothing more to discuss about this matter!"

"Yes sir!" She saluted, her grin still there as she left his office.

* * *

_**OUT IN THE HALLWAY: **_

"Hughes…Did you get the photos?" She asked him when she walked by.

"Every single one of them that you asked for Erin. Now give me back my pictures of my darling little angel on her tricycle!" He whined as he followed her to the library door, his camera in his hands.

Erin tossed him the picture, her hand taking his camera from him. "As always Maes it is an honor to do 'business' with you." She chuckled mischievously as she entered the library.

Hughes kissed the photo of his daughter before placing it back into its rightful spot. "I'll never understand what Roy sees in her." He mumbled as he walked back towards the office.

* * *

**A/N: Teehee. I love this series. I may cry when it's over. I really hope you add me as a favorite author if you like this series because I may just keep adding spin off series like pokemon did to it's TV show to make it last forever...but if you dont...then you'll never know...And you'll never know when I'll try to spell never with a 'k' like i did four times just now before finally fixing it. lol. you'll miss out on the randomness if you dont hit that button that tells you what im up to. It's like a stalker...I'M SO CALLING IT THE STALKER BUTTON.**

Oh yeah, anyways...stay tuned. 3 Dani


	20. Crystal like an expensive vase sir!

**A/N: 'Kay so fist of all i am so sorry I have not updated...I HAVE NOT FORRGOTTEN ABOUT YOU. My computer got sick. T.T I had to spend a while fixing that finding files...planning for school...driving fun things. I've been busy. and I feel bad But im going to finish this,start my song fic series for FMA, do that one thing i promised that one chick and work on my talkshow series. Love you all. enjoy it. **

**I Don't own FMA.**

* * *

**25:You cannot come within three feet of power tools.**

**26:Don't touch my desk.**

* * *

"Um, I didn't do it?" She grinned sheepishly at her superior.

Roy glared at his desk that was now in two pieces. "Oh, and I'm guessing my desk just fell apart by itself?"

Erin rocked back on her heels. "If that's what you would believe…"

"What on earth possessed you to steal the power saw from the workshop and slice my desk in half?"

"It was shiny. "

Roy's face fell. "Huh?"

" You should have seen it sitting there on the workshop table glistening in the florescent lighting, Roy! It called to me!" She grabbed Roy by the forearms. " It was like it was saying " _Use me…use me…_ " So I took it and I was just carrying it around the office looking for things to slice and your desk- "

Roy interrupted her. "My brand new desk!"

"It called to me."

His left eye twitched in annoyance. "Get out before my gloves start calling to me and telling me to kill you." Roy said with a sadistic grin. "If you _ever_ touch my desk again, you'll find yourself in your own personal hell…do I make myself clear?"

Erin took a giant step back and saluted to him. "Crystal like an expensive vase sir! " She yelled before running out of the office, vastly increasing the distance between her and the pissed off Mustang.

* * *

**A/N: I SWEAR I WILL UPDATE MORE! i AM SOOOOOOOO SORRY. and to DarkFlameTailz...I am still working on your request...my computer deleted it. I will have it up by...soon... ~ Dani**


	21. Of Mice and Men and regulation pants

**Selina Devoir, if the last chapter sucked so much why were you the only one to complain? I'll have you know one thing; I don't take kindly to negativity woman! Either you read it and are polite or you don't read it at all. I'm not changing anything about my chapters, I'm not making any of them longer to appease you and absolutely am I not adding some stupid ridiculous flashback to Chapter 20. I like to leave things to the imagination and a flashback would ruin it. And another thing, what I do is an expression of **_**art**_**. Which means I don't change it, I don't wanna hear if it sucks, no one else cares if you think it sucks And I sure as hell don't want to hear your ideas on how I can make my story better! GOT IT! **

**I'm going to keep writing my series the way I do and the way I like them. If you don't like it then go find some other story on here to read I really don't care just this is the last time you will ever… ever use the 'S' word when talking about my work. It influences negative thoughts upon other readers who may have thought it was good and funny. So there. **

* * *

**My rant's over now. Sorry about that everybody else. ^. ^ We should probably get on with chapter 21 now. Okay so this one is number 27 on the list " Don't end your briefings with ' in my pants'". So with out further delay I present to you said chapter! Enjoy!**

**I don't own Full Metal Alchemist!**

* * *

Erin cleared her throat. "Okay is everybody here?" She looked around to make sure.

"Um, What are you doing Lieutenant?" Fuery asked, rasing his hand.

"I lost a bet…with Mustang…So I got to administer this month's safety briefing. " She grinned.

Breda began to pound his fist on the table, not bothering to muffle the sound of his laugher from the redhead. "You! Safe? Hahahaha!"

"I know! I laughed too. " She cleared her throat again. "However, safety is a serious matter Breda and you should not be laughing when it comes to the safety of your comrades and your life." Erin deepened her voice in a failed attempt to mimic Mustang. " I Roy Mustang for example never laugh in the face of potential danger…I never laugh at all!"

Roy glared at her while everyone else was laughing. "Shut up."

"You know it's true Roy!" She turned to him and said, her voice back to normal. "I think you've only laughed…once? And I think that was about your love of dogs… and how loyal they are…blah… blah…blah…I don't care. Moving on!" She turned away from the hot head **(lol bad pun) **and walked over to the board. "So this month we've had our building blown up/burnt down a total of…seven times. Who was to blame for all this?"

"Uh you were?" Hawkeye looked up at her uninterested.

"WRONG SIR!" She pointed at her. " I believe that hothead over there's to blame. He controls fire. He explodes things for a living. "

Mustang glared harder. "But you're the stupid idiot who thinks explosions are fun."

* * *

"MOVING ON!" She went back to the board then turned around. " This month at least 3 new recruits have been hospitalized from their entire bodies getting crushed. " She looked to Armstrong.

" It has been in my family for generations that when you meet a new…" He began to ramble.

" Shut up! It's your fault Armstrong! And for the record no one wants your damn hugs!" She screamed. " They're not safe for anyone!"

* * *

Fuery sat between Breda and Havoc checking his pocket every few seconds. "Are you okay in there Daisy?" He whispered.

Havoc leaned over and looked into his pocket. "Kain…" he whispered.

"Yes sir?"

"What are you talking to?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I found a field mouse this morning on my way to work and I'm going to keep it as a pet." He grinned and stuck his hand into his pocket, bringing back out the cute little mouse.

"See isn't she cute…" Just then the mouse squirmed from his grasp and took off running towards the head of the table, exactly to where Erin was standing and yelling at Armstrong from.

Havoc, Breda and Fuery all tensed.

"Dude you are so dead." Breda whispered to Fuery.

* * *

"And another thing Armstrong sparkling is not man…" Erin's eyes grew wide and she froze. "M-mustang?" She whispered.

"What?" he snapped.

" THERE'S SOMETHING CRAWLING UP MY PANTS LEG!" She half-whispered, half-screamed.

"…" Everybody stared at her.

"What?" He asked.

"There…is…some…thing…in…my…pants…" she glared at him. "Help…me…"

He smirked. "Is this some type of pick up line Erin? Are you flirting with me?"

"NO YOU MORON THERE'S SOMETHING FURRY CRAWLING UP MY PANTS LEG!"

* * *

Fuery buried his head in his hands. "Oh no Daisy." He whispered. "You didn't."

Havoc smirked at him. "I think Daisy did."

* * *

Hawkeye stood. "Something furry?"

Erin nodded.

* * *

Hawkeye turned to Fuery. "You have anything to do with this?"

He nodded.

Hawkeye sighed. "What did you sneak in today?"

* * *

"IT'S GOING UP MY SHIRT! EW EW EW!" Erin panicked.

* * *

"Um…well…" Fuery grinned sheepishly.

* * *

"MOUSE!" Erin let out a loud ear-piercing scream as the mouse stared at her from her shoulder. "GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! EW! " She screamed again.

Mustang stood, a smile on his face. "Stay still."

"GET IT OFF!" She looked up at him with tears rolling down her cheeks. "Get it off and burn it!"

Mustang laughed as he picked up Daisy by the tail and handed her back to Fuery.

"Its not funny Mustang. " she pouted as he continued to laugh.

* * *

**I really hope to draw these out one day. Stay tuned. **


End file.
